On Learning
Intelligent people think just being intelligent is enough, but being smart is not enough for this world. Schools and tests may not test for all important qualities. A new managing partner of Goldman Sachs was put in charge of hiring 2,000 people per year that were of high quality to fast track to partner. He responded that he could find 2,000 intelligent people per year, but not partner quality. Only could find 60 people a year who are all three – intelligent, AND hardworking, AND good with people.
And we must be smart about what is important. This is similar to an anecdote – A famous fencing teacher only takes a student if he promises not to play any matches for 1 year, only practicing hand and footwork – and the student won championships. One must master the fundamentals in order to live fully – similar to how conventional wisdom (widely held beliefs) that we absorb easily due to its repetition, does not hold the most important truths of living well.
As humans, we follow the principle of least resistance – in a business setting, without clear feedback on the impact of various behaviors to the bottom line, we will tend toward behaviors that are easiest in the moment. However, through deep work (i.e. book “Rules for Focused success in a Distracted World” by Cal Newport), we may find truths. Deep work is when we perform professional activities in a state of distraction-free concentration that push your cognitive capabilities to their limit. These efforts create new value, improve your skills, and are hard to replicate. “The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” Csikszentmihalyi calls this mental state “flow”, while most people assume that relaxation makes them happy – we want to work less and spend more time in the hammock.
Yeshiva is a place where we can perform deep work, yeshiva means “sitting” (holding ourselves back from action / standing). Ravah said – easy concepts were learned standing, while difficult ones were learned sitting (higher rate of concentration). Moses would stand while learning Torah from God, but would sit when reviewing the Torah and learning it deeply by himself.
On Emotions and Our Drives
In addition to learning, we must value our emotions because they are important to both our diligence and relationships with others. Maimonides examined emotions. There are people like volcanoes – always ready to explode, and people that are always mellow. Why do we have emotions? Emotions produce energy and energy gets you to do something. Maimonides said you need to know when to be alive and when to be dead (not act out of emotions).
Holy water – Married couple gets into fights and so was recommended when angry to go drink holy water. When they ran out, they asked for more holy water, but the solution was really that they took a time out after getting angry – to calm down. Technique – if you speak softly when you’re angry, the softness diffuses its energy. Three types of people – wicked – quick to get angry and slow to calm, righteous – slow to get angry and fast to calm, and in between (a wash) – fast to get angry and fast to calm. Since anger (the strongest energy) dies the fastest out of emotions, someone who is slow to calm down is making a choice to be wicked.
Emotions are only as powerful as our sensitivities to them – Don’t be sensitive about something you have no control over or that’s not big. On the other hand, develop sensitivities to important things -> How? By habit. Habit creates sensitivities, which creates emotion that creates the energy that gets us to do. Emotion creates motion (it’s even part of the word). Emotion can short circuit the brain (ie Bill Clinton). It’s interesting how our personalities are like trees – if we’re bent one way, we need to bend more so in the opposite direction in order to become upright.
On Imagination and Goals
Michael Phelps made a world record with goggles cracked. He utilized his imagination to imagine the pool. Imagination – abstract. Imagination is healthy – it creates goals (a reality), but fantasy is bad (delusional). We need to learn where to draw the line between fantasy and imagination.
Our Being
Our entire person is comprised of three sections:
Mind / Head (Mental) –> Heart (Your ingrained self) –> Hands / Loins (Physical / Actions)
Judaism teaches the mind should teach the heart when and how to feel, the heart shouldn’t dictate to the brain what to think. And heart should dictate the loins (physical). Get all those 3 working in tandem and be in charge of your life. Torah works on the brain, avodah / prayer works on heart, and doing works on physical. Spock would be all head (computer brain / technical expertise)
Freud said the opposite (heart “id” controls the head), which is pessimistic, saying we have no control. Whenever there’s a fight b/w head and heart, head should win (sun). Sun (head) is constant, we do blessings for moon (heart). Ego (can’t enjoy something because if anything goes wrong you will be angry), lust (i.e. women) and jealousy are the 3 traits that can destroy you if unchecked. Marketing pushes those 3 buttons that are in the heart. In a study where a young student could wait some time for 3 cookies or acquire 1 cookie instantly, the students who were able to defer pleasure were more successful later in life. They allowed their head to control their heart.
As example, to be scared – one first:
- Knows to be scared (head)
- Feels the emotion of fear (heart)
- Physical – Pulse rate rises, hair on end
Hebrew symbolicism – Moosh (head) lev (heart) kaoch (body) – stands for melech (which means king), opposite (kolam) means destruction.
Continued – On Emotions and Our Drives
We find our desire and intellect at battle often. And even when we truly want to do something, we have a block between wanting something and doing something. Solution: Put the ideas in our heart. The heart is ourselves – when someone asks “Where are you” – people point to their heart. Telling someone “Just do it” doesn’t work, as in lots of situations you can’t just toughen up and power through, i.e. Parents dictating “clean up your room” and “brush your teeth”. Very difficult to stop smoking, start a diet, or create most other new self-beneficial habits that you’ll perform every day.
Bina is the wisdom that affects the heart, meshes our thoughts into our identity and into our actions – not just esoteric wisdom. Cognitive thesis mistake – People think if you’re smart, you’re successful, but you need other character traits (smart people fail out of college all the time). How to develop bina – we can get an idea in the brain fast, but it’s hard to get in the heart because it’s physical – the brain has other desires. If there’s something you don’t want to do, while you’re doing it your brain will send a message every 6 seconds saying it doesn’t want to do it.
Solution to take Action
Sometimes the heart knows we want to be optimistic, but if you’ve lost 3 jobs and your friends hate your sense of humor it’s hard not to be cynical. Have dialogue between head and heart, as you need your brain to talk to the sabotaging thoughts from your heart. Bring up what your heart feels to the surface and have a dialogue b/w your intellect and thoughts of the heart. Additionally, don’t drag your body unwillingly, train your heart to be a champion heart and regularly do things it normally doesn’t want to do so it’s natural. Learn to talk yourself into wanting it, coaxing yourself into surpassing negative thoughts (sabotaging thoughts can happen by nature or nurture), and forcing your heart to do it while it doesn’t want to do. Your head can figure out what’s best for it.
Consistent thoughts reshape the emotions, but deep thought is difficult and takes strain. Ie problems of learning a new language and achieving fluency. Physical exercise as an analog for mental exercise.
Body and emotions are limited and physical – in talking to yourself, speak to them in their language of the heart – concrete / physical. We see this in that we believe things after we see them – Berachos – “Greater is serving a wise man that studying from him”. Maritz Chiyus – ie A visit to a cancer ward vs listening to the surgeon general’s report on smoking, or reading about how a airplane works vs seeing it. This highlights the importance of imaging – clarifying gains and losses.
Anecdotes of Bina
Eight year studying in Harvard, took over drug abuse center but with all his education, the drug abuse center was not succeeding. Got a track & field coach to talk to the people like a coach and they became second most successful drug abuse center in the state. Coach spoke to the heart (emotions), not the head. Universities train people for wisdom (chachma / facts) but not for bina (understanding / to build) and daas (existential knowledge / to connect). Teachers teach and test on wisdom – i.e. read more info.
Even if one is an expert, one may not do it – Encyclopedia of Philosophy – Bertrand Russell – Early 1950s caught in love triangle on campus – how can an ethics teacher be unethical? His response – “Nobody doubts whether I’ve read and written the most ethics books in the world, but nobody expects a geometry teacher to be a triangle.”
On the contagiousness of passion
Olympic Wrestling Team member came to Yeshiva – Steven Greenspan – Rabbi thought he’d be 6’2 182lbs but is 5’1 118lbs. He had the requirement of a gym in Yeshiva. His passion of wrestling was contagious; slowly the entire Yeshiva was in the gym, whole Yeshiva was ripped. Even the Rabbi went.
If someone tells you to do something 30 minutes a day every day for a year, you won’t do it. You want to take on a mountain, do something amazing immediately. But if you hang out with someone passionate in lifting, the passion will be contagious and you will lift everyday with him to build greatness. On your own, you must build your own passion. Before you go to the gym, talk to yourself for 3 minutes and you will go to the gym forever. Whatever you want to become, read it for 10 minutes early in the day. Or you can seek others with the passion. Heart needs to see things to believe it, i.e. being around positive people. Talk to our emotions – just because we initially feel it (doing or not doing something), doesn’t mean it’s right.
On consistent hard work
Gomorrah – Akiva 40 years old wasn’t religious – he looked at religious people and said I can’t do that. He focused on getting wealthy and got wealthy. But once day, he saw water dropping on a rock making an indentation. He realized “I can carve a hole in my heart for Torah to absorb in the heart.” Your heart is not forward thinking – when you drop water on stone, you won’t see a change, but 1million drops x times definitely will make a change. After 40 days of doing anything everyday, you will see a change. Torah says – after you learn Torah once with intellect, learn it again with your heart. Additionally, in the letters of Rabbi Akiva – “If there is not binah in your Torah, it is worthless”
Speaking to yourself
For example, in Depression – Figure out – Am I depressed based on:
- Facts
- Bad importance evaluation
- Bad emotional response
For a difficult task – figure out why you want to do it. Even if you miss a gym day – you should have a dialogue – it’s still making the water drops. I.e. talk to yourself as if talking to a kid – this is the right thing to do because X.
Having correct emotions – factual basis “I am happy because of X” (finding $22k bill), evaluation of importance i.e. “I am ecstatic because I found a penny”, emotional response – balanced emotions are needed
Summary
Strategies for growth
- Depth of thoughts
- Consistency of thoughts
- Existential thoughts and experiences.
Being Good
Being a good decathlon Jew (renaissance man) means having a focus that everything about me will express warmth, wisdom, Jewish thoughts. The good-to-great companies focus on the activities that ignited their passion, not to stimulate passion but to discover what makes you passionate. Do the similarity of 1) what you are passionate about 2) what allows you to live well (economic) 3) what you can be the best in the world at (skilled at). Three circles of hedgehog concept. People are predisposed to certain things, just as animals have different traits for fulfilling their purpose.
Every individual is empowered to be their own creator—obliges all to grow and learn daily. Take an ideal and specialize in it for 2 months – realism and gradualism. Learning vs learning to do skills.
Bad Desire
Pleasure – There are people who are hedonistic (live for pleasure), but everyone enjoys pleasure. What is the difference – whether you are in control of the pleasure or if it is in control of you (being addicted)? This is why we bless food first – showing you’re in control of the pleasure.
Money – There are different words for it (zooz in Aramaic – to move, i.e. money circulation) or (seseu – silver/desire) or (memon – money you always want double). When you’re asking people for money, they won’t give because they feel they’d be giving you a part of who they are.
Desire – i.e. for wealth – People try to solve an internal problem with an external solution. Avoiding life by looking for the next high. Look at wealthy people – many are not nice.
Modesty – Confident that you know you’re good at something, but god gave me the gift of skill or talent so it’s not mine. Don’t think “we” are great.
Argument against Bad Desire – We should be happy with ourselves without actions because each of us are special – we are gods messengers in the world (genealogical line to Abraham, part of 6mill Jews with ancestry who witnessed revelation). And we each represent god uniquely. Accepting that we’re flawed. We should be humble because what we have are all gifts (we don’t own any of it). My greatness doesn’t come from actions. I am special because I’m special. I’m okay with who I am, then recognize flaws without hurting yourself, then work on yourself. I’m great and I have a flaw.
Relationships
Relationships and community are important – In Rosetta PA, everyone lived for a long time. There was no sudden cardiac risk, even though they are less healthy than nearby people. The reasoning was that there, family friends and faith were most important. Tremendous sense of community where old people would sit on their porches and these senior citizens would all know a teenager is skipping school, would grab teenager by the ear and bring him back. However, their lifespans normalized once they lost their sense of community.
There is a difference between family and spouse love – Love between spouses must overcome differences to generate greater intensity. Love between family members is predicated on commonness they share. It takes work – When falling apart, you must reconnect to each others dreams, even later in life. Continue to share aspirations and goals.
The little things are what matter and should be appreciated. When asking a husband what makes him think his spouse loves him, he said “When I come home at night and open the door, sometimes shes standing in the living room and sees me and smiles. And sometimes she makes him a cup of tea.” She starts laughing at his response, as the same morning he left for work and he left a post it note on the fridge with three words. The most important thing is private time uninterrupted 2-3 times per week without cell phones and other people, otherwise your relationship is going to fail. Why does God want you to speak to him instead of just think – it is like you are dating – talking lets you share and open up whats inside of you. You fall in love through communication.
Our place in the world and lifestyle
Everything in the world appears polarized – there is lots of conflict in the world but we are the ones to bridge them together and bring peace. Living as a Jew is akin to walking the tightrope. We have both responsibility to ourselves (spirituality) and the community – doing things for others.
There is a story of a Rabbi whom doesn’t want followers that are too pure to sin, he wants people who are too busy to sin. Nature abhors a vacuum – an empty mind. They say boredom is the root of all evil because we will fill emptiness with something bad. Shamshamayim – if we do something, do it with sincerity (e.g. community service).
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